today, was a monday at school. somehow, things around me already feel different. i dare say that my mood today was retarded. swinging around like tarzan on heroin. i just dont know what to expect anymore. so currently having 0 expectations and just living life, as much as i want the happiness, love and belonging.

lectures were uneventful, i got pissed at yuqi for awhile today. but i hope you know its all a joke. deep inside i still love you la. touched or not^^ so cute la, even made jan not talk to her. retarded, and childish? but thats the way to treat someone who IS retarded and childish.

council commendation prac started at 4. ended at 8 plus, thank god it did. hours are so long, we could just die from the exhaustion. but i guess we all know what we were in for when we handed in the yellow forms to become a councillor! i just am thankful there are still so many people to rely on for strength when the going gets tough. gogo 31st!

those feelings i had of losing people are sort of dying now, although i do suffer from it still, accounting for my random mood shifts. i mean i just told myself, that if ever we drifted, theres a reason for that right? so if it really happens, i'll just put it behind me. yup, decided this today. but most importantly, is also to chase your own happiness. if you really want it, go for it, and hold it there. no use sitting back and hope something happens or in another case that nothing will happen to the friendships. you have to make the conscious effort regardless of the busy schedules, love life, church life. whatever. yeah. its just a great seesaw, a great balancing act we all have to do just so we can maintain even any trace of happiness in our lives.

well, i really want to put these feelings behind me and just live to love right now. so many things i want to do, and can do. so much things to live for, so much things to chase for. i want to be able to be there for all of them, especially when they need me, right now at least theres someone that makes me happy, just effortlessly, along with a group of others. think you all know who you are(:

amanda: well i dont really know whats wrong now, maybe you might tell me later. but yeah, cheer up! lifes too short too fast to be spent sad. i learnt this just. really. life's happiness is there for us to chase, to gain. eat ice cream and everything will be okay.

black&white ; 10:24 PM