friday college day event. street market and all. woo fun! super high day. did lotsa random stuff, but it made me happy(: hope it made others too. i wanted so much to share my joy with others, but its becoming so hard. really hard. and i just, i just cant anymore. im sorry. i want you all to be happy, to be happy when i am, and not the other way round. but yeah, its really becoming to hard. i have to learn to let go.

jan ally yuqi huiying and i ran around for the fun challenge. was indeed fun, memories such as these i will definitely take away, and treasure. i just wished we would all remain like that forever. but the best part is, i no longer will be pained, by stuff such as this.

all those small stuff we did together, however small and insignificant, i treasured and looked on as important. i mean, if you all dont feel that its important, its okay really, i just want you all to know how much it all meant to me. those phonecalls, those laughs, those conferences.

well the night was sufficiently fun, ushered for the college day ceremony. had entrance duty and food serving duty, so many cause i was labelled under 'OTHERS'. crapped around with verine and the 30th! so fun, like seeing them in a different light, after selection camp, ltc, and commend pracs. hope to bond with more of them.

went to huiyings house after, though it was meant to be a night of bonding and fun. but, things happened and, well, no, it didnt feel like that. there was a time, a time where, no matter what, no matter when, we would go. just as long as we all would be together, it didnt matter. i miss those times, i want them all back , but look what it has done to us. all trapped in our own individual worlds, at least i know IM trapped.

morning, and i had to go KAP to meet jason, eric and weili to finish council proposal. reported so late, but we managed to get alot done. i shall meet them online soon, to finish up the last bit, and hand it in on time.

went to cousins place for house warming. did the usual eating and talking and watched i am legend. was fun, and then i had a htht with my cell mates. the people i grew up with, felt so good, just unloading everything, all these feelings i had for so long. i felt so close, so belonged again, that i felt happy inside, just knowing no matter what there are people out there. i just wished ALL of them would remain.

well, i just want you all to know. whatever we had, whatever time we spent, all remain in me. and anytime you all ask, i can tell you whatever we went through together. i know that its not your fault, or perhaps it is, i really dont know, but it doesnt matter. i just want you to know, frankly, im tired. i have been trying, trying so hard, to ensure this circle doesnt break. but now, its really, just stretching stretching more and more, and im the rubber band in that circle, absorbing all that stretching. well, i dont want to snap at you all, i dont want to be hurt anymore, i just cant take this. so i'm moving on, im leaving, all this time i want you all to know, ive been bringing you all back, pulling when i had to, tugging even when i couldnt. well the time has come, ive tried all i can and well, its just not working. im really tearing now, as i say this, but i hope someone, somebody will let you know that i fought, i fought really hard. and that i didnt want this. i really just wanted it to all be as it was. selfish of me i know, but yeah, i cannot expect so much from you all, i just wish you all, all the best. and that even if we may not have time to see or meet or whatever, that you all remain in my heart, part of the reason why i smile, i laugh.

i fought, i fought really hard

black&white ; 10:45 PM